Trump: You’re Telling Me I Haven’t Been Playing Sims This Entire Time?

By Audrey McCann -

In recent weeks, there have been several tragedies that have had a major impact on the American people as well as potential impact on American policy. Much to First Lady Melania Trump’s reported relief, Trump has not left the Oval Office in three weeks. However, according to a White House insider, this sudden self-isolation is due to the president’s need for “alone time” to process the fact that he has not, in fact, been playing a large scale game of Sims for the last two and half years.

“How else do you explain Kellyanne Conway’s gaunt facial structure? No real people look like that,” Trump was overheard mumbling while being spoon fed his lunch on this past Thursday. “And Nikki Haley is real? Wow, I thought I would need those new expansion packs to pretend to have a relationship with her in a Sims game.” This recent realization is, however, a hopeful step forward in allowing Trump to regain an understanding of reality.

“I think that this will really help him revisit some sense of rationality, and, perhaps, he will even develop a bit of empathy for the American people,” said an anonymous White House source who has been aiding the mental evaluation process of the president.

His mental ability and health have been reportedly called into question. White House doctors have been overheard discussing the swift mental decline of the president but are now thinking that he has realized he is living in a virtual reality simulation and are hopeful he may be able to develop a reasonable amount of empathy.